Day 1: Pain

So since Monday evening until late last night I had driven up to Vegas and come back to California. I lost quite a bit trying to get over feelings of despair regarding a friend moving away, and because I wanted to win to sort of send off my time away from my hobby on a good note.

I drank more then I ever have before, and so I decided today that too will be on hiatus for the month.

I stayed at the Bellagio which has beds that make my home one seem inadequate. 3 hours of rest on that and I was ready to hit the floor again. But here I slept in and came off with a sense of ill-will. I know this is in part to the fact setting in that one of my dearest friends has moved away. But I think the idea of how much I lost hurts just as much.

I pondered for a moment buying lottery scratchers, and then almost checked on my online horse wagering account.

So far though I am persevering. It hurts, and I have no real method of comforting myself... But hopefully it'll head away shortly. I'm eating more then I should be too. I wonder if it's a coping method. If so... FUCK.



This seriously is hard.