Day 3: Regret

I'm not sure that I believe this was a good idea. Today has been nothing but lame. Boredom. Feelings of utter neglect, and now even resentment.

It's possible it's my mind, trying to make up ways to cope and create a situation where I actually *justify* gambling. But more likely then not this is all the effect of external stimulus. I think I want attention. Some sort of acknowledgment of the things I've done with this spare time previously donated to my "hobby".

It stresses the fact that giving up addictions is something harder without the right support network.They'll chastise and belittle you for the things you do, but wont give you time of day the second you do what they want. Then eventually they expect it and the bar is raised. I almost regret giving up gambling. Regret giving up on the odd chance one of these missed races or skipped pulls on the machine could have been my pay day.

Does money buy happiness? Everyone, even the world would have you believe it doesn't. That if you got it you just long for more (or for the things it can't afford). But I would like to debate that.

I believe that I might gamble in part for the possibility, for the excitement, and the addiction to it all... But I think even at it's most basic level... It's gambling for the chance at a more prosperous tomorrow.

I remember in the movie, "Two For The Money" a speech where Al Pacino's character explains how losing is the only way to feel alive. I suppose it could ultimately something like that for me. That maybe in some way losing makes all the other failures seem smaller by comparison.

But then it wouldn't feel so good to win. To take your winnings and grin from ear to ear.



Ultimately it's going... Decent. Things could be worse. But hopefully they'll get better.